If you personally know me then you know that I have 3 kids. Not just the one that you always see me with. Well, a few years ago I fell on very hard & upsetting times. I had lost my home, which resulted in me becoming homeless. I had to make the best decisions for my kids, being a mother first before anything in this world. I hate that I had to separate them but it was much needed because it was what was best for them ...that they were well taken care of, no matter what.
Therefore, my oldest two, went to go stay with their dad & my baby boy went and stayed with my mother. As I stated before, it's been 5 or more years since that has happened. I've only managed to be able to get my baby boy back living with me. Why not my other two kids? Well, because it's been very difficult for me to obtain & keep a home. Not only that, it's been difficult to obtain and/or keep a job, mostly due to lack of transportation or car issues when I had one.
Anyway, that's most of the need to know back story behind my 'touchy subject' rant.
Do you know how frustrating it is to not be in your kids everyday lives? How frustrating it is not to be in your only little girl's life? How heartbreaking it is to not see your kids grow up together? How painful it is to know that your kids may hate you or resent you? How painful it is to know how they feel not being with their mother daily? Man, it hurts like hell. I mean, I bust my tail day & night to try my best to make life right so that I can reunite us all under one roof.
It has not been an easy road. It seems like as soon as I get so close to making that a reality, my world collapse & I fall flat on my face ...back at the starting line. It's so frustrating & yes, I kick myself in the butt for it all ...because it's my responsibility, right? Yes, I be sad, miserable & going crazy out my mind because of this. But one thing I can say, I always keep pushing & never give up no matter what life throws my way. I mean, they are my world and I love them all more than life itself. I call them a lot but I'm not able to see them as much as I want. For one, I don't have my own car at this moment & for two, I live in VA.
I miss a lot from their life ...important moments, school life, birthdays & even Christmas. It's heartbreaking & I know it hurts them deep inside too. My kids are very understanding, smart & I love that about them. Even so, they shouldn't & don't deserve to go through this. I pray that things change for the better & very soon because time is not on any of our sides.
I haven't openly expressed my thoughts or feelings about this touchy subject with anyone before now. Its not easy to do so. Sometimes things happen to us for a reason & I'm letting God guide me right now. He doesn't put no more on us than we can bear and I truly believe he has a plan that maybe I can't see just yet. Either way, faith without work doesn't work. Therefore, I still do everything I can to make that change.
Thank you for listening to my story. I'd love to hear your thoughts and feelings, so feel free to comment below. Would you all please keep my family in your prays. Best wishes.
~ Vaneka
